I whisper that I love you in crowded
rooms, I shout that I don’t in
this heart is made of glass and
I’ve lost it to a magician.
I’ve never felt as lonely as
I do when I’m lost in the rain,
never as free when I’m drenched
with sorrow to the bone, through
to my marrow.
I can cry in the rain, and promise
the world that I won’t love anything
I can cry in the rain.
honey, you’re better off loving
that boy from a far because
you will never win with a boy
that won’t follow his heart.
I’m so sorry that you miss him
baby, but he wasn’t brave,
he wasn’t a forest to keep you
burning, but an ocean that
put you out.
I’m so sorry baby, you need an
adventurer, an explorer, a traveller
to take you places but he was
a heart without a compass.
I’m so sorry baby.
we’ll start our day with tea and toast in bed, you’ll laugh at me, but still put two and a half sugars in my tea. You’ll sigh as I avoid the crusts, even when you butter all the way to the edges. I wriggle from the crumbs in the bed and you’ll complain about all of the animals on the pillows. I’ll put music on and we’ll dance around the kitchen, one of us will stub our toe and the other will blow a kiss to make it better but then we’ll slow dance before we remember that it’s a tuesday and we’re late for work.
maybe we’ll walk to the station together. maybe we’ll hold hands and swing our arms even when it’s raining. maybe we’ll be shouting because your mother wants to meet us for dinner and i’m certain that she hates me, maybe we’ll part at the front door as i run for one train and you run for another.
you might have left a note in my lunchbox, you might just be making fun of my childish bag or maybe you’ll say i love you for the first time. maybe you’ll email me to ask how my day is going and that you wish we could run away to the coast this weekend.
you’ll dance with me in the kitchen and hold my hand whilst we sleep, you’ll brush your teeth whilst I shower and talk to me when I’m in the bath. you won’t be annoyed (mostly), when my cats are invasive or when the lint roller has run out. you’ll shake your head when my dog has been nibbling on your bag or shoelaces. you’ll love me, you’ll love me, you’ll love me.
dear future lover, i don’t want much but you. i don’t want perfect, just content, just co-existence, just love.
I think I’ve been in love with
you, for all this time,
I’m sorry, I think I love you.
he whispers these words and
I stare at my hands, at my feet,
at the sky,
I don’t believe you.
he tells me he is addicted;
to the sun, the earth and my
I don’t understand why anyone
would ever stop loving you,
I don’t know why they would
ever start, I reply.
I’m late for work again and
I still miss you.
I got caught in the rain and
I remember how we use to
fight for the umbrella; now it’s
just mine, but I don’t use it.
London is grey, and my clothes
are damp. So is my heart, so
are my shoes.
5am is when I think of you most,
when there’s no one around to tell
me that you are a phantom that
I must not love.
I think once I thought we were
an ocean, a masterpiece; I thought
that perhaps, we were unstoppable.
5am is when I wake up to vomit,
because my body is still rejecting you,
my heart is still flushing you out.
darling, you’ve got to go now.
i don’t know who i am.
darling, i’m putting out an
emergency call and i hope
you can hear this heart
screaming for air.
i’m craving your touch
and hoping that you can bring
me back to earth, can you?
can you help me, dearest?
i’m tumbling down a road filled
with dreams half conceived and
desires never quite fulfilled;
hold me and heal me, please.
i don’t know who i am, and i can’t
last forever in this free fall,
so sunshine, won’t you hold me?
it’s been a while again and i’m sorry that i can’t. i’m sorry that i won’t. it’s been two years jacque and i don’t really remember your face any more, just the ocean in your mothers eyes, when i came back and you were gone. just her quivering hands and she held my shoulders and shook, before i saw a mountain collapse at my feet. you had eyes the colour of spring, but i can’t find your face in my memory.
it’s been forever jacque, you were fragile when i found you and no amount of stories could’ve brought you back to life. i knew how to sing you a happy ending, but we all stopped believing in god when he took yours. you promised that you were going to change the world, that you were going to set the world alight and everyone would know your name. i’m so sorry that you died a boy when you had the dreams of a man.
i never learnt how to say goodbye to you jacque, maybe because i always said goodnight and now it’s more than au revoir mon amie. the world was waiting for you jacque, i’m so sorry that you never got your time to shine.
je suis tellement désolé que les étoiles ne pouvaient pas briller pour vous, mais nous vous manque encore.