It is time to throw away your things, our things, the polaroids, the pictures, the guest book from our engagement party. July 12th 2012. I found your notebook and the poetry, your pyjama bottoms I slept in, the stuffed toy you bought us in Edinburgh. It is simply a box stuffed full of a simple snapshot of our lives together, a jumper of yours with a slight taint of your cologne, there’s a lighter with your name on it, a picture of our cat when she was small; a naked photo of me eating cereal. It’s been almost ten months and I can’t throw away the box. At first I took out the small things to keep, just the odd picture, the polaroids, besides, film is expensive and I thought that I could still file them in my scrapbook, you did exist after all, I can’t pretend that you didn’t. I sat against the wall and read your notebook, the multiple times you rewrote my name and I love yous, you wrote how we brought down the stars. The pictures captured you perfectly. In the end, I should throw it all away. You’re not coming back and what we had couldn’t have been love. I should throw it away, all of it. But I can’t, so I close the door on the room, leaving the black bag open waiting and the door shut, quivering; I’ll pack that room up another day.

✿ posted 3 days ago - 8 notes - reblog ✿

'what do you have to be
depressed about?’

my father questions, accusatory
(why is what we gave you
not enough?)

he refused to recognise the scars
of pain ripped against pale skin,
or the overdoses that left me
in a hospital bed again and again;

my parents never loved me
enough, or at least not as much
as they loved each other,

but that isn’t the answer he’s
looking for.

he doesn’t want to hear about
the boys that ripped away
fragments of my soul,
deep down he thinks that’s my
own fault,

I’m gasping for air, a goldfish
stranded and lost on dry land.

'I don't know'

✿ posted 4 days ago - 13 notes - reblog ✿

hello new boy with eye lashes
that reach for the stars and
a heartbeat that sounds like my
favourite song.

hello boy with feet itching
to travel the world and a taste
for the unknown.

I can feel your energy invading
my cells, I can feel your change
in my mind and your warmth on
my face like the sun.

✿ posted 1 week ago - 85 notes - reblog ✿

you should know that I hate you,

once I thought you were
oxygen I needed,

but you were fire and you burnt
me out.

✿ posted 1 week ago - 6 notes - reblog ✿

I hope you choke,

that your words are made of oil
and slide out of your hands

and that you graze your knees
forced to kneel before the sun.

I hope your oranges are bruised,
your tobacco stale and your coffee
is bitter

because I loved you
and now I can’t.

✿ posted 3 weeks ago - 9 notes - reblog ✿

I miss you;

words are cheap but there’s
not much left to say that will
resonate with the coldness
in these arms.

I love you feels unfinished and
embarrassing. three words leave
my cheeks flushed and my heart

empty; my bed, my arms, my heart.
where are you?

✿ posted 4 weeks ago - 12 notes - reblog ✿


I do not eat cauliflower or things with faces; I believe in the darkness in inanimate objects and I refuse to cry. I cannot find myself in mirrors and I fear the nights as much as I avoid mornings. I fell in love with a boy who brought me a world of words and an idea that broken can still be…

A lot has changed in the last two years, but this still feels like an accurate description of me. That’s sad.

✿ posted 1 month ago - 13 notes - reblog ✿

I wonder if I’ll know when you
die. If I’ll feel it rip through my
chest or if I’ll not even miss
a beat,

maybe I’ll drown for months in
my tears and maybe,

I’ll go on with my life.

✿ posted 1 month ago - 4 notes - reblog ✿

If only I could fall out
of love with you in an

who you are is not who
I know,

you are spilt milk and water
already down the drain; you
are tears no longer worth

✿ posted 1 month ago - 10 notes - reblog ✿

do you remember when you 
you talked of love, of hope 

and reaching the stars hand 
in hand? 

it’s time to rest our heads 
darling, because i can’t 
rest when i miss you like this

and maybe our dreams are 
the only place left.

✿ posted 1 month ago - 7 notes - reblog ✿
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